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*You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
*The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
*While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal, they'll still cover the spread.
*I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends. Tell me more.
*I like using this lawn mower so much more than the old one. What a wonderful Valentine's present.
*Let's just leave the toilet seat up all the time; then you won't have to mess with it.
*I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly!